DeadlyWriter

MOVED

Been thinking about my life and what's been going on lately, grandma got diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my last year of high school, all of my so called friends have ditched me because of some stupid girl. Looking for a good career and a good paying job, I feel self conscious and as lonely as ever. I stopped taking my medications because the toll they have on me, I'm already in enough pain as is. The fact that I keep going through the same stuff daily drives me nuts, this break has been a really slow one...
I have a feeling that this is all just one big grey blur. I thought back to when I was so bent on killing myself one Friday after school. I thought I had taken both of my anti-depressant bottles, but I only took one and my vitamin D, the vitamin D and Zoloft are in identical bottles, I wanted to kill myself that day more than anything I saw no other way out. Then I ended up leaving the house for some reason, I later came back to take my pill to find out I in fact didn't grab my Zoloft, but my Vitamin D. Zoloft made me violent, and I had planned to OD on it combine with my Wellbutrin, I didn't care what the possible side effects were or the stuff that happened in between taking and death, just that I would die.
I find it funny because I kind of see it as fate didn't want me to die, yet. So I just left it at that.

Well I was laughing and I nearly spurted Brisk raspberry iced tea all ovary my keyboard, my friends and I were in a group chat, I was messing around and I said that "Your mom has a moose knuckle." I really wanted to say she has an elephant toe but that wouldn't make sense, then the girl I said it to was messing around because she thought at one point I was a girl. She said "I don't flap when I run." I replied with "But your mom does." We were referring to one part pretty much the entire time, pathetic I know.
I then said "Oh god my duck is so hard." Somebody asked what's up, I answered with "My duck." I then went on to say that I was going to whip out my duck in public. We were rolling, I then had to ask if anybody wanted duck sauce.
I haven't laughed like that in forever.
My nickname is now Cun*Flaps because I said that she could use mine as a hat.
Her nickname is MooseKnuckle.
My other friends nickname is DuckSauce.
It all started by me saying I had to pee.
Somebody wanted to watch.
I told them to open their mouth.
And to open their mouth or it's going in their eyes.
We're all a family here...

So today I finally have had enough of the constant pushing and pulling that I've gone through, I finally told her that I've had enough of her leaving me, that it was going to be the last time that she was going to leave me. Honestly it killed me to say it and do that, I thought back to when I had the urge to do something not so healthy, I was prescribed anti-depressants, I always thought about OD'ing on them. How Ironic, in fact I am going to probably do a picture.